Most metal is garbage. I say that being a fan of the genre. Probably more than any other style of music, you have to look hard for legitimately good metal bands/albums. By "good" I mean that what they play actually qualifies as music; you can understand what's going on, and there is some amount of melody and harmony to be found. It's pretty sad that a good sense of melody is difficult to find among metal bands, and it's probably that more than anything else that prevents musicians from enjoying it. The second worst offender is often the guttural vocal style in extreme metal. Being a musician who likes metal, I wanted to compile a list of metal albums that break out of the genre's trappings and show that, even though the tempos are fast and the guitars are heavy, the music can still be melodic, interesting, and enjoyable. Here's my list of metal albums that musicians can enjoy.
Honorable mentions:
Opeth - Blackwater Park
This album didn't make the list for one reason: the vocals. They switch between clean singing and straight-up death metal growling. The singing is quite good, but the growling really distracts from the otherwise very impressive music. It's a shame that my one and only complaint about the album ruins it for non-metal fans who can't stand extreme metal-style vocals. If they had ditched the growls and stuck with clean singing throughout, this would have been a major landmark in progressive music altogether, rather than just in progressive metal.
Metallica - And Justice For All
This album is one of the reasons metal started moving in a progressive direction in the late 80's. It proved that songs didn't have to be 2-4 minutes long and follow a verse-chorus-verse path. It was audaciously technical and ambitious for its time, and overall I think it still holds up, but I have one major problem with it; many of the songs are just too repetitive. I can say that about every Metallica album, but it's especially notable on this album. The songs have plenty of twists and turns, but they just take to long to make those turns. It weighs down an otherwise very enjoyable and interesting album, and I felt that I should give it an honorable mention for being so ambitious and influential.
P.S. It contains one of my favorite songs regardless of genre; look up 'One' if you've never heard it. It's just awesome all the way through; nice switches between clean and heavy guitars in the intro, great lyrical story, epic 'machine gun' double bass and guitar riff later in the song, and a badass guitar solo to cap it off. This is a classic song that proved that metal can be artistically and emotionally interesting.
Now on to the actual list.
10. Cynic - Focus
In the late eighties, several things happened in the metal scene that caused it to splinter off into several sub-genres. Hair metal was getting air time despite being crap, thrash metal was becoming musical thanks to bands like Metallica and Megadeth (more on them later), and death metal reared its ugly head. Despite the style's limitations, some truly unique and interesting stuff came out of the scene. Cynic's first album, Focus, is one of the best. While most death metal bands were happy growling like the Cookie Monster, playing dissonent guitar riffs that made no sense and blast-beating away, Cynic was playing melodically and harmonically ambitious music that happened to fit into the death metal sub-genre. They used chapman sticks, synthesized guitars (and vocals!), phrygian and locrian modes to give it a unique eastern feel, and executed their material with far more technical prowess than almost any other death metal band. There are guttural vocals, but the combination of the instrumental style smoothing things out and the wise decision to keep the growling reasonably low in the mix makes it very tolerable, or perhaps even ignorable. This album was a complete shock to metalheads upon its release, but rewarded repeated listens more than almost anything else being released. I keep using the word "almost" because I feel there is one band that also (barely) fit into the death metal scene that bested them, and their best album is higher on this list.
9. Nightwish - Oceanborn
By the early 90's, everyone had finally come to their senses and gotten over hair metal, and the thrash and death metal scenes died down. Grunge took over the world thanks to Nirvana, and metal was pretty much dead in the eyes of the mainstream. But in the metal underground that remained, something interesting happened in the 90's: metal moved in the opposite direction it had been. Instead of getting heavier, faster, and less melodic, it became epic, technical and in Nightwish's case, even symphonic through the use of keyboards and a classically trained operatic singer. Combining influences from gothic metal and power metal and adding operatic vocals, Nightwish pushed metal as far into symphonic territory as they could while keeping it heavy enough to still be considered metal at all. Oceanborn is Tuomas Holopainen's masterpiece; Everything he was trying to do came together beautifully on this album. Metal and symphonic classical is a pretty strange mix for most people, and the irony of it is that the vocals may indeed have gone too far in the opposite direction of death metal growling; some fans of rock music find the operatic vocals cheesy and over-the-top. But I think it's brilliant, and worthy of the attention of anyone who enjoys hearing rock and metal being pushed into new territory.
8. Mastodon - Leviathan
I never thought I would find an album even remotely resembling sludge metal that I would enjoy, but here it is. This almost didn't make the list at all, because the vocals are of the yelling/grunting sludge style that I generally can't stand, but that's not enough to ruin the power and genius of this concept album's music and lyrical content. And in fact, in some spots on this album, I have to admit I actually like the vocals. A metal band releasing a concept album based on Moby Dick is enough to create interest, but the surprisingly technical and intricate music is what will keep it. Even the vocals work quite well when the lyrics take the perspective of Ahab; they capture the feel of the insane captain consumed by his hunt for the white whale. The drumming has to be mentioned specifically; this album has some of the most brilliant drumming I've ever heard from a metal band. There's a fine line between technically demanding drumming that fits into the music and musical masturbation, and Brann Dailor stays just on the right side of that line throughout the album. If you enjoy concept albums, or even just lyrical content that is as ambitious as the music it accompanies, give this album a try. Like all the other entries on this list, it pretty much demands repeated listens, but you will be glad you put in the time to truly appreciate it.
7. Atheist - Elements
Atheist is the other death metal band on the list, and for good reason. While Cynic was using different effects, modes, and instrumentation to create a unique epic sound, Atheist went in a different but equally ambitious direction and created the term "death jazz" in the process. They used generous amounts of syncopation and time changes to push their metal farther into fusion territory than any other band. This is their most melodic album, and therefore the one I am including on this list. But if you enjoy Elements, give Unquestionable Presence a listen as well. Presence was an extreme metal landmark, but Elements is a landmark in progressive music as a whole in my opinion. Again, my only complaint is the guttural vocals, which honestly are the only reason this band is considered death metal. But again, it isn't so over-the-top or prevalent in the mix to ruin the album. Every other aspect of this album, technically and musically, is brilliant. This album is essential listening for fans of extreme metal and progressive music alike; Atheist plays intricate, well-crafted metal that deserves your time.
6. Blind Guardian - Imaginations From the Other Side
This is the first epic metal album I ever listened to, and still one of my favorites. Blind Guardian play a more aggressive style than most bands that fit into their sub-genre, but the sense of melody is not lost at all. This album is much more harmonically rich than most epic metal albums, and is one of the main reasons I truly love it. There is not a bad song on this album, and plenty of variation throughout. There is only one epic metal album I would choose over it, and it's from the same band!
5. Megadeth - Rust in Peace
This is the only thrash album on the list, and it was a no-brainer. Dave Mustaine is only lately getting the credit he always deserved for this classic of late-period thrash. The riffs are unbelievably technical when compared to the vast majority of other thrash albums, and are still quite challenging even compared to modern metal rhythm guitar. The lead playing from Mustaine and Marty Friedman is so far beyond what anyone else was doing at the time in terms of both technicality and musicality that everything else from that period seems like mindless wankery after listening to this. The songs are much more fleshed-out and interesting than what was being written by any other thrash band, and far surpassed Megadeth's previous albums. Even if you don't usually care for thrash, this is a necessary listen.
4. Symphony X - Divine Wings of Tragedy
While Blind Guardian and Nightwish's albums would be described as epic/symphonic metal, Symphony X is typically described as neo-classical metal. It's not as symphonic; the sound isn't as huge and the compositions are leaner. But they're still brilliant, and this is their best album. Symphony X take everything Yngwie Malmsteen did, and simply do it far better. It's aggressive but melodic, insanely technical, harmonically interesting, and exciting. If you like guitar (and keyboard) heroics, look no further; this album has plenty of impressive solos. But they do a great job of not going overboard with them. The solos are part of the songs rather than the songs being a vehicle for solos, which is a complaint I have about many bands in this sub-genre. This isn't the most unique album on the list, but what it lacks in innovation, it more than makes up for in pure quality.
3. Dream Theater - Black Clouds and Silver Linings
Dream Theater has always been a metal band that people mention when trying to persuade others that metal isn't all mindless non-music. Albums like this are the reason for that; There is not a single unnecessary second of music on this album. When it comes to composition and performance, these guys are beyond almost every other rock band in the world, let alone metal bands. Every song is interesting, epic, technically impressive, and emotionally stirring. This is challenging, high-concept heavy metal. I can't get enough of Dream Theater, and this is my personal favorite album of theirs.
2. Iron Maiden - Seventh Son of a Seventh Son
This is the oldest and most traditional metal album on the list, but also the most melodic. It's also the third concept album on the list, and one of my favorites regardless of genre. It has everything to be expected of British metal from the 80's: high-pitched vocals, fast-paced rhythm playing, over-the-top solos, and epic lyrics about slaying dragons and shit. But this album just does everything better than any other like it, and the story that continues through the album gives it a much more epic feel than most 80's metal albums. It also keeps the listener more interested through the entire thing, instead of just skipping to a few standout songs. This is just straight-up classic heavy metal, and perhaps the best introduction to the genre out of this list.
1. Blind Guardian - Nightfall in Middle-Earth
Blind Guardian is the only band that appears twice on this list, and I think it is justified. The only word that can be used to describe this album is EPIC. A concept album based on the Silmarillion, this album is Blind Guardian's finest hour. I like every song on here, and they are tied together by spoken-word interludes that urge the listener to sit down and listen to this album all the way through. Seriously, this is the shit. If the idea of combining a fantasy-fiction movie soundtrack with heavy metal interests you at all, buy this album. Blind Guardian's vision of this album was as thematically ambitious as metal has ever been, and it succeeded mightily.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
Christian terrorism
"I consider myself to be 100 percent Christian." -Anders Brievik
When people insult and distrust all christians because of the actions of the extreme minority, very few christians will have a right to complain about it. You took your cheap shots at Islam, claiming the religion is dangerous and that it breeds terrorists. It felt so good to feel superior to Muslims because you believed in the "peaceful" religion. It was so easy to convince people that such a tiny minority of Muslims spoke for everyone, to stand on your soapbox and point down to all Muslims because we happened to be at a point in history where the only religious extremists committing violence at the time believed in Islam. Now (certainly not for the first time) a Christian committed a terrorist act because of his extreme beliefs, and you are going to experience the frustration of being insulted and made fun of for believing in the same religion as someone who murdered people for his beliefs. The tide is turning again, and when it turns once more, you will get to insult another religion until it's their turn. When Muslims choose to be petty douches and insult all of you because of the actions of the tiny minority, you have no right to complain.
How does it feel to have your religion insulted and accused of breeding violence? U mad? Deal with it.
When people insult and distrust all christians because of the actions of the extreme minority, very few christians will have a right to complain about it. You took your cheap shots at Islam, claiming the religion is dangerous and that it breeds terrorists. It felt so good to feel superior to Muslims because you believed in the "peaceful" religion. It was so easy to convince people that such a tiny minority of Muslims spoke for everyone, to stand on your soapbox and point down to all Muslims because we happened to be at a point in history where the only religious extremists committing violence at the time believed in Islam. Now (certainly not for the first time) a Christian committed a terrorist act because of his extreme beliefs, and you are going to experience the frustration of being insulted and made fun of for believing in the same religion as someone who murdered people for his beliefs. The tide is turning again, and when it turns once more, you will get to insult another religion until it's their turn. When Muslims choose to be petty douches and insult all of you because of the actions of the tiny minority, you have no right to complain.
How does it feel to have your religion insulted and accused of breeding violence? U mad? Deal with it.
"My feelings as a Christian points me to my Lord and Savior as a fighter. It points me to the man who once in loneliness, surrounded by a few followers, recognized these Jews for what they were and summoned men to fight against them and who, God’s truth! was greatest not as a sufferer but as a fighter. In boundless love as a Christian and as a man I read through the passage which tells us how the Lord at last rose in His might and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple
Monday, July 11, 2011
Materialism
Fact: Anyone who spends $10,000 on a watch is a douchebag.
Why would you spend your time and money on that shit? The only people you're impressing are other materialists. I sometimes honestly wonder what these people do in their spare time other than go to bars and clubs to impress dumb sluts with their expensive clothes and metro hairstyles they spent half an hour on in front of a mirror. Do they hang out and talk about how expensive everything they own is?
What are people going to have to say about you at your funeral? What's the eulogy going to be like? "We're here today to mourn the death of Douchy McDoucherson. He wore a Rolex, drove a convertible that got 7 miles to the gallon, and spent his entire life working to afford these expensive useless things to find a woman who was equally interested in them. They married, and passed down their materialistic douchiness to their children, Slut and Tool. The family spent their time together talking about how expensive and shiny their stuff was. I'm sorry for your loss, Mrs. McDoucherson. Enjoy finding another man who will express his affection for you by buying you expensive crap that serves absolutely no purpose. Thank you all for coming. Go in peace."
Enjoy living your life spending; I am spending my life living. If I won the lottery, you would find me living in a modest home, going to ska shows a little more often, wearing the same Vans and Aquabats t-shirt I'm wearing now, and an organization that helps needy children will have an extra few million bucks to help them do some good for the world. You can count on that.
One of these days, you'll realize that the rat race you're running is pointless, and that you live a pathetically shallow life. The time and money you spent on stupid crap and your appearance to try to impress people could have been spent making friends that actually gave a crap about you, or to help people in need. But you will find a way to do some mental gymnastics and convince yourself that the crap you bought was worth it, and that you are somehow a better person for buying it. You will tell yourself over and over that your friends actually liked you for you, that your friendships weren't based on your shared interest in materialism and blatant selfishness and stupidity, hoping that if you say it to yourself enough times you'll believe it. Meanwhile, other people are spending their money on things they can actually use, and spending their time with actual friends doing things they can look back on together when they're old and say "yep, those were the days." They will be able to line their walls with pictures and mementos of the worthwhile experiences they had. You, on the other hand, will have nothing to line your walls with but your expensive trinkets, and maybe some pictures of you and some other materialistic idiots who knew you for what you had rather than who you were.
Enjoy your $10,000 watch.
Why would you spend your time and money on that shit? The only people you're impressing are other materialists. I sometimes honestly wonder what these people do in their spare time other than go to bars and clubs to impress dumb sluts with their expensive clothes and metro hairstyles they spent half an hour on in front of a mirror. Do they hang out and talk about how expensive everything they own is?
What are people going to have to say about you at your funeral? What's the eulogy going to be like? "We're here today to mourn the death of Douchy McDoucherson. He wore a Rolex, drove a convertible that got 7 miles to the gallon, and spent his entire life working to afford these expensive useless things to find a woman who was equally interested in them. They married, and passed down their materialistic douchiness to their children, Slut and Tool. The family spent their time together talking about how expensive and shiny their stuff was. I'm sorry for your loss, Mrs. McDoucherson. Enjoy finding another man who will express his affection for you by buying you expensive crap that serves absolutely no purpose. Thank you all for coming. Go in peace."
Enjoy living your life spending; I am spending my life living. If I won the lottery, you would find me living in a modest home, going to ska shows a little more often, wearing the same Vans and Aquabats t-shirt I'm wearing now, and an organization that helps needy children will have an extra few million bucks to help them do some good for the world. You can count on that.
One of these days, you'll realize that the rat race you're running is pointless, and that you live a pathetically shallow life. The time and money you spent on stupid crap and your appearance to try to impress people could have been spent making friends that actually gave a crap about you, or to help people in need. But you will find a way to do some mental gymnastics and convince yourself that the crap you bought was worth it, and that you are somehow a better person for buying it. You will tell yourself over and over that your friends actually liked you for you, that your friendships weren't based on your shared interest in materialism and blatant selfishness and stupidity, hoping that if you say it to yourself enough times you'll believe it. Meanwhile, other people are spending their money on things they can actually use, and spending their time with actual friends doing things they can look back on together when they're old and say "yep, those were the days." They will be able to line their walls with pictures and mementos of the worthwhile experiences they had. You, on the other hand, will have nothing to line your walls with but your expensive trinkets, and maybe some pictures of you and some other materialistic idiots who knew you for what you had rather than who you were.
Enjoy your $10,000 watch.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Horrible parents, and people that support their horrible parenting
I happened upon a pretty disturbing new story today.
http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=news/consumer&id=7845229
So this lady's entire argument is that she CANNOT say no to her children? And now this case is being supported by a consumer advocacy group because McDonald's is using "unfair" marketing tactics by putting toys in Happy Meals? Fuck that. If you don't want your children eating that crap, don't buy it for them. If you give in because they scream and cry, congratulations; you are emotionally weaker than a 5-year-old.
If you honestly have a problem with forcing young children who don't know any better to do the things they are supposed to do and prevent them from doing the things they aren't, you are a terrible parent and a douche. If you have to find excuses like this for not being able to manage your child, you are pathetic and should give them up to a foster family that will be able to say no to them for their own well-being.
That is all.
http://abclocal.go.com/kgo/story?section=news/consumer&id=7845229
So this lady's entire argument is that she CANNOT say no to her children? And now this case is being supported by a consumer advocacy group because McDonald's is using "unfair" marketing tactics by putting toys in Happy Meals? Fuck that. If you don't want your children eating that crap, don't buy it for them. If you give in because they scream and cry, congratulations; you are emotionally weaker than a 5-year-old.
If you honestly have a problem with forcing young children who don't know any better to do the things they are supposed to do and prevent them from doing the things they aren't, you are a terrible parent and a douche. If you have to find excuses like this for not being able to manage your child, you are pathetic and should give them up to a foster family that will be able to say no to them for their own well-being.
That is all.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Working out: Why most people think they are doing it, but really aren't
While looking up gyms in the area to compare prices, I read an article someone wrote about the worst gym they have ever been to. There are no squat racks in the entire gym, deadlifts and olympic lifts are not allowed, you are not allowed to bring in a water container larger than 20 ounces (seriously), the dumbbells only go up to 80 pounds, and there is a "lunk alarm", an extremely loud and annoying alarm that goes off if it detects grunting, or even HEAVY BREATHING. I am not making any of this up; there are countless people that have complained about all these things at pretty much every location for this gym chain. Apparently, their reasoning for these rules is that they want to discourage bodybuilders, powerlifters, and serious athletes of any kind from joining because they want to create a non-threatening environment for average people.
Lets start off with the fact that certain lifts are not allowed, and that there are no squat racks: Any gym with a rule like that can kiss my balls. Squats, deadlifts, and olympic lifts (clean and jerk, snatch) are the most beneficial exercises you can possibly do with weights. No one in their right mind who knows anything about fitness will dispute this statement. They are compound movements that use several muscle groups at once, which is essential for developing actual strength and not just "gym strength" that doesn't translate to sport performance or help you prepare your body for any strain you put on it throughout your day. These are not just exercises for power lifters and olympians; anyone who plays a sport, or even just regularly has to perform everyday tasks such as moving furniture or picking things up off the ground will benefit from these exercises FAR more than anything else. It doesn't matter if you are the average person who is just trying to get into better shape; these exercises are necessary. If you are weight training and are not regularly doing squats and deadlifts, you are wasting your time.
The rule about water containers is just stupid. Why would a gym possibly want to prevent people from taking large containers of water in? If you are working vigorously, you will need plenty of water. This is either a way to get people to buy more bottled water at the gym, or an extremely stupid and irresponsible way to discourage people from working hard in their gym. Seriously, this rule truly angers me, and I'm not even a member of this gym.
The dumbbells only go up to 80 pounds? I am not a particularly strong guy, and don't lift as regularly as I would like to because more of my time is spent on the mat than in the gym, but not having anything heavier than 160 pounds (one in each hand for squats, since I WOULDN'T HAVE A SQUAT RACK AND BAR TO USE) would be completely inadequate. I honestly wonder if they did this to keep out the serious crowd like they say, or if they just want people who can move 160 pounds to feel like they accomplished something because they lifted the heaviest thing in the room that isn't nailed to the floor. The only good workout I can imagine doing at one of these gyms is to pick up the nearest fat person (there will surely be plenty of them) and squat them instead.
An alarm? Really? Seriously, what the fuck. They don't want people breathing heavily WHILE WORKING OUT? Not only does that keep out the serious crowd as far as lifting is concerned, it also keeps out sprinters and endurance athletes who want to get a good workout on a cardio machine. Not to mention the fact that it literally prevents average people from getting in any real kind of workout. If you are not breathing heavily at any point, YOU ARE NOT WORKING OUT. I'm sorry, but walking on a treadmill for half an hour while watching TV then doing curls is not a workout.
Speaking of curls: they are fucking stupid. The only people who have any use for them are those who care more about filling out their shirt sleeves and impressing shallow girls than they do about actually being fit or strong. If that is not a fair description of your attitude, why the hell are you doing them? And since we're on this subject, FUCK ANYONE THAT DOES CURLS IN THE SQUAT RACK. Whenever I see it, I want to murder them and clean and jerk the body into a dumpster.
The reason I brought all this up is that I feel most people who have a gym membership are wasting their time and money. Why would you pay a monthly fee to walk on a treadmill or lift 10 pound weights? You can easily do that on your own time without a gym. And if you choose to, don't lie to yourself and think you are fit because you can walk for half an hour and lift something that weighs slightly more than a newborn baby.
I completely understand that everyone has to start somewhere, and some people are starting completely out of shape. I admire overweight people that decide to change their diet and lifestyle and try to drop some pounds, or the kid who has never worked out before and has the guts to get into the squat rack while feeling judged by the bobybuilders at his gym. Speaking from my own experience, I know it sucks at first. I'm a thin guy; it's not always the most confidence-boosting experience to try to work out while you're surrounded by guys that are bigger and stronger than you and you can't help but try to judge yourself by comparing your performance to theirs. But when I got over my insecurities and worked out just because it was good for me, I came to really enjoy it. In fact, those guys in the gym that used to make me feel uncomfortable usually turned out to be nice guys, and a few of them helped me correct my technique. If you are trying to get into better shape, go for it, but actually WORK if you're going to call it working out. And don't kid yourself and think you can "work off" a bunch of crappy food, especially since it won't fuel you nearly enough to get through a good workout. You will feel good, physically and mentally, if you set goals for yourself and meet them. Most people, including myself, have a long way to go before being able to say we're really fit. But that's okay, as long as we are working and improving.
1. Squats
2. Oats
3. ???
4. Profit
Lets start off with the fact that certain lifts are not allowed, and that there are no squat racks: Any gym with a rule like that can kiss my balls. Squats, deadlifts, and olympic lifts (clean and jerk, snatch) are the most beneficial exercises you can possibly do with weights. No one in their right mind who knows anything about fitness will dispute this statement. They are compound movements that use several muscle groups at once, which is essential for developing actual strength and not just "gym strength" that doesn't translate to sport performance or help you prepare your body for any strain you put on it throughout your day. These are not just exercises for power lifters and olympians; anyone who plays a sport, or even just regularly has to perform everyday tasks such as moving furniture or picking things up off the ground will benefit from these exercises FAR more than anything else. It doesn't matter if you are the average person who is just trying to get into better shape; these exercises are necessary. If you are weight training and are not regularly doing squats and deadlifts, you are wasting your time.
The rule about water containers is just stupid. Why would a gym possibly want to prevent people from taking large containers of water in? If you are working vigorously, you will need plenty of water. This is either a way to get people to buy more bottled water at the gym, or an extremely stupid and irresponsible way to discourage people from working hard in their gym. Seriously, this rule truly angers me, and I'm not even a member of this gym.
The dumbbells only go up to 80 pounds? I am not a particularly strong guy, and don't lift as regularly as I would like to because more of my time is spent on the mat than in the gym, but not having anything heavier than 160 pounds (one in each hand for squats, since I WOULDN'T HAVE A SQUAT RACK AND BAR TO USE) would be completely inadequate. I honestly wonder if they did this to keep out the serious crowd like they say, or if they just want people who can move 160 pounds to feel like they accomplished something because they lifted the heaviest thing in the room that isn't nailed to the floor. The only good workout I can imagine doing at one of these gyms is to pick up the nearest fat person (there will surely be plenty of them) and squat them instead.
An alarm? Really? Seriously, what the fuck. They don't want people breathing heavily WHILE WORKING OUT? Not only does that keep out the serious crowd as far as lifting is concerned, it also keeps out sprinters and endurance athletes who want to get a good workout on a cardio machine. Not to mention the fact that it literally prevents average people from getting in any real kind of workout. If you are not breathing heavily at any point, YOU ARE NOT WORKING OUT. I'm sorry, but walking on a treadmill for half an hour while watching TV then doing curls is not a workout.
Speaking of curls: they are fucking stupid. The only people who have any use for them are those who care more about filling out their shirt sleeves and impressing shallow girls than they do about actually being fit or strong. If that is not a fair description of your attitude, why the hell are you doing them? And since we're on this subject, FUCK ANYONE THAT DOES CURLS IN THE SQUAT RACK. Whenever I see it, I want to murder them and clean and jerk the body into a dumpster.
The reason I brought all this up is that I feel most people who have a gym membership are wasting their time and money. Why would you pay a monthly fee to walk on a treadmill or lift 10 pound weights? You can easily do that on your own time without a gym. And if you choose to, don't lie to yourself and think you are fit because you can walk for half an hour and lift something that weighs slightly more than a newborn baby.
I completely understand that everyone has to start somewhere, and some people are starting completely out of shape. I admire overweight people that decide to change their diet and lifestyle and try to drop some pounds, or the kid who has never worked out before and has the guts to get into the squat rack while feeling judged by the bobybuilders at his gym. Speaking from my own experience, I know it sucks at first. I'm a thin guy; it's not always the most confidence-boosting experience to try to work out while you're surrounded by guys that are bigger and stronger than you and you can't help but try to judge yourself by comparing your performance to theirs. But when I got over my insecurities and worked out just because it was good for me, I came to really enjoy it. In fact, those guys in the gym that used to make me feel uncomfortable usually turned out to be nice guys, and a few of them helped me correct my technique. If you are trying to get into better shape, go for it, but actually WORK if you're going to call it working out. And don't kid yourself and think you can "work off" a bunch of crappy food, especially since it won't fuel you nearly enough to get through a good workout. You will feel good, physically and mentally, if you set goals for yourself and meet them. Most people, including myself, have a long way to go before being able to say we're really fit. But that's okay, as long as we are working and improving.
1. Squats
2. Oats
3. ???
4. Profit
Friday, May 20, 2011
OOOOOOH YEEEEEAAAAAAH!
Those who know me know that I have a soft spot for professional wrestling. I was completely obsessed when I was a kid. And although I haven't watched any wrestling shows since ECW folded, I can still appreciate and enjoy the classics. If you can get over the fact that professional wrestling promotions tried their hardest to keep a lid on the fact that it was staged and take it for what it is, I think many people can appreciate it as a very unique form of entertainment.
Macho Man Randy Savage died in a car accident caused by a heart attack this morning. I was always a fan of his, and was very saddened by this news. When his name comes up, most people immediately think of Slim Jims and Spider-man. Wrestling fans usually think of his over-the-top and energetic promos. While he should be remembered for being very entertaining for those things, I feel his actual wrestling abilities are usually forgotten about. A lot of wrestling fans forget what an excellent in-ring performer Randy Savage was. His match with Ricky Steamboat at Wrestlemania 3 was one of the absolute best ever. They both spent the rest of their careers somewhat in the shadow of that match, but they had plenty of other great moments. If you need other examples of Randy's abilities, just the fact that he was able to coax a great match out of Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania 5 should be enough. (Hogan is perhaps the most recognizable wrestler of all time, but he was generally lousy in the ring; anyone who knows anything about wrestling will tell you that) He also had some great moments in WCW with Ric Flair and DDP, just to give some examples.
Randy Savage was one of the all-time greats; over-the-top, hilarious, and endlessly entertaining. It's sad to know we'll never hear another "oh yeah" from him. Rest in peace, Macho Man.
Macho Man Randy Savage died in a car accident caused by a heart attack this morning. I was always a fan of his, and was very saddened by this news. When his name comes up, most people immediately think of Slim Jims and Spider-man. Wrestling fans usually think of his over-the-top and energetic promos. While he should be remembered for being very entertaining for those things, I feel his actual wrestling abilities are usually forgotten about. A lot of wrestling fans forget what an excellent in-ring performer Randy Savage was. His match with Ricky Steamboat at Wrestlemania 3 was one of the absolute best ever. They both spent the rest of their careers somewhat in the shadow of that match, but they had plenty of other great moments. If you need other examples of Randy's abilities, just the fact that he was able to coax a great match out of Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania 5 should be enough. (Hogan is perhaps the most recognizable wrestler of all time, but he was generally lousy in the ring; anyone who knows anything about wrestling will tell you that) He also had some great moments in WCW with Ric Flair and DDP, just to give some examples.
Randy Savage was one of the all-time greats; over-the-top, hilarious, and endlessly entertaining. It's sad to know we'll never hear another "oh yeah" from him. Rest in peace, Macho Man.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Nerds
Different people have different definitions of the word "nerd." I define a nerd as someone who is deeply interested/involved in niche hobbies and communities, and usually specifically focuses on one in particular to the point of Serious Business. Serious Business usually refers to something that most people don't give a crap about, but a few people obsess over. Basically anything that nerds are into usually ends up falling into Serious Business territory. This can be both good and bad. To me, it has nothing to do with social awkwardness or anything like that. Being socially awkward makes you a geek. I'm sorry, but shouting to the world that you are a nerd because you read Harry Potter and have a Wii does not make you a nerd; it makes you a Hollywood Nerd. I'll explain the difference.
Films used to portray nerds in a not-so-flattering light. They weren't just nerds; they were also complete geeks. They were unbelievably socially awkward to the point of not having any friends (in many cases, not even other nerds would hang out with them), they smelled, they were out of shape, and they NEVER did anything that could possibly be considered normal or (God forbid) cool. Somewhere along the line, things changed. Suddenly, nerds in film and television were good looking, awkward in an endearing way, obsessed over popular culture instead of niche culture, and were only dateless because OMG GURLS JUST WANT TO DATE A BUFF DUMB JOCK AND NO ONE WANTS THE NICE GUY WTF. These "nerds" being portrayed in film and television are Hollywood Nerds. In reality, most nerds fall somewhere in between the two extremes.
The vast majority of nerds are at least somewhat geeky, but they are not the stereotypical losers that many people think of when they hear the word "nerd." I have met some Hollywood Nerds before, but I honestly wouldn't even call them nerds. Wearing glasses, playing Wii games that all have Mario in the name, and in some cases even calling YOURSELF a nerd does not make you one; it makes you an annoying poser.
If you have never spent weeks trying to track down the one issue of an obscure comic book that has evaded you, if you have never dropped 60 bucks on a video game that was released 2 console generations ago, if you have never trained for a sport that most people wouldn't consider a sport, if you have never completely lost yourself while forming a nearly unbeatable strategy to crush your friends in a war game that no one else gives a crap about, you are not a nerd. Stop calling yourself one.
Pretty much all of my friends are nerds. There are varying degrees of geekiness in our group, but the nerdiness is what binds us. The reason I am perfectly comfortable with saying that I'm a nerd is that nerdiness does not define me; it is part of who I am, but it is not all that I am. With that being said, it is an important part of me, which is why I chose to rant about this.
Those of you who talk about how nerdy you are because you saw the Deathly Hallows part 1 at midnight need to STFU; leave the title of "nerd" to those of us who are the real fuckin deal.
Films used to portray nerds in a not-so-flattering light. They weren't just nerds; they were also complete geeks. They were unbelievably socially awkward to the point of not having any friends (in many cases, not even other nerds would hang out with them), they smelled, they were out of shape, and they NEVER did anything that could possibly be considered normal or (God forbid) cool. Somewhere along the line, things changed. Suddenly, nerds in film and television were good looking, awkward in an endearing way, obsessed over popular culture instead of niche culture, and were only dateless because OMG GURLS JUST WANT TO DATE A BUFF DUMB JOCK AND NO ONE WANTS THE NICE GUY WTF. These "nerds" being portrayed in film and television are Hollywood Nerds. In reality, most nerds fall somewhere in between the two extremes.
The vast majority of nerds are at least somewhat geeky, but they are not the stereotypical losers that many people think of when they hear the word "nerd." I have met some Hollywood Nerds before, but I honestly wouldn't even call them nerds. Wearing glasses, playing Wii games that all have Mario in the name, and in some cases even calling YOURSELF a nerd does not make you one; it makes you an annoying poser.
If you have never spent weeks trying to track down the one issue of an obscure comic book that has evaded you, if you have never dropped 60 bucks on a video game that was released 2 console generations ago, if you have never trained for a sport that most people wouldn't consider a sport, if you have never completely lost yourself while forming a nearly unbeatable strategy to crush your friends in a war game that no one else gives a crap about, you are not a nerd. Stop calling yourself one.
Pretty much all of my friends are nerds. There are varying degrees of geekiness in our group, but the nerdiness is what binds us. The reason I am perfectly comfortable with saying that I'm a nerd is that nerdiness does not define me; it is part of who I am, but it is not all that I am. With that being said, it is an important part of me, which is why I chose to rant about this.
Those of you who talk about how nerdy you are because you saw the Deathly Hallows part 1 at midnight need to STFU; leave the title of "nerd" to those of us who are the real fuckin deal.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
An introduction, and a short list to start things off
My name is Micah Giron. I'm a straight-edge vegan, a martial artist, and a nerd. This blog exists for two purposes. 1. I'm going to make lists. Most of these are going to be "best/worst of" types of lists. 2. I'm going to go on rants about shit I care about. This will not be a daily blog that I update constantly so my rabid fans will know what I had for breakfast or how big the shit I just took was.
Now that that's out of the way, time for a(nother) list. This list is the reason I chose the name of my blog, and because of the subject, it is quite short. Here's my list of video games that were better than bands named after them.
3. Double Dragon
Double Dragon 1 and 2 are still two of my favorite games from the 8-bit generation, and two of the best beat-em-ups I've ever played. I just recently heard a band that goes by the same name, and they fucking suck. Metalcore by the numbers stopped cutting it five years ago, AND they just had to name themselves after one of my childhood games. Those two factors combined make them my least favorite metal band. There are worse ones out there to be sure (Thrash Queens), but naming yourselves after a classic NES game makes your crapiness offensive on a personal level.
2. Clash at Demonhead
It's not even a real band, but I'm including it because I loved Scott Pilgrim vs. the World and the game the band was named after. I hate whatever style of music you wish to lump the band from the film into, so this isn't even a contest. Clash at Demonhead is a great game; it's a near-perfect example of what a classic Nintendo hard action-adventure game should be.
1. Dragon Force
I love Dragonforce (the band), but I love the game far more. That's saying a lot; Dragonforce is an awesome mix of speed, shred, melody, and self-aware cheesy epicness. Dragon Force on the Sega Saturn (a remake was developed for PS2, but never saw a stateside release) is just a totally badass game. If you're into strategy-RPGs, find a ROM of this game NOW. I wasn't quite sure if this should have been included in this list, because I don't know for sure if the band actually named themselves after this game. But I felt like including it because a list with only two entries would have been even lamer than one with only three, and I love the band and game so much that I just had to take the opportunity to gush about them.
Thanks for reading.
Now that that's out of the way, time for a(nother) list. This list is the reason I chose the name of my blog, and because of the subject, it is quite short. Here's my list of video games that were better than bands named after them.
3. Double Dragon
Double Dragon 1 and 2 are still two of my favorite games from the 8-bit generation, and two of the best beat-em-ups I've ever played. I just recently heard a band that goes by the same name, and they fucking suck. Metalcore by the numbers stopped cutting it five years ago, AND they just had to name themselves after one of my childhood games. Those two factors combined make them my least favorite metal band. There are worse ones out there to be sure (Thrash Queens), but naming yourselves after a classic NES game makes your crapiness offensive on a personal level.
2. Clash at Demonhead
It's not even a real band, but I'm including it because I loved Scott Pilgrim vs. the World and the game the band was named after. I hate whatever style of music you wish to lump the band from the film into, so this isn't even a contest. Clash at Demonhead is a great game; it's a near-perfect example of what a classic Nintendo hard action-adventure game should be.
1. Dragon Force
I love Dragonforce (the band), but I love the game far more. That's saying a lot; Dragonforce is an awesome mix of speed, shred, melody, and self-aware cheesy epicness. Dragon Force on the Sega Saturn (a remake was developed for PS2, but never saw a stateside release) is just a totally badass game. If you're into strategy-RPGs, find a ROM of this game NOW. I wasn't quite sure if this should have been included in this list, because I don't know for sure if the band actually named themselves after this game. But I felt like including it because a list with only two entries would have been even lamer than one with only three, and I love the band and game so much that I just had to take the opportunity to gush about them.
Thanks for reading.
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